FreeTeach

• I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger…..and then it hit me.
• Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
• Did you hear about the guy whose entire left side was cut off? Well!!! He’s all right now.
• The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.
• The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
• To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
• When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
• The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
• A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
• A thief fell into wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
• Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.
• We’ll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
• When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
• The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.
• The geology professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
• The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
• If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.
• A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
• A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.
• A will is a dead giveaway.
• Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
• A backward poet writes inverse.
• In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.
• A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
• If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
• With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
• Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat miner.
• When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
• The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.
• A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
• You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
• Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.
• He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.
• A calendar’s days are numbered.
• A lot of money is tainted: ‘Taint yours, and ‘taint mine.
• A boiled egg is hard to beat.
• He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
• A plateau is a high form of flattery.
• Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
• When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.
• If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
• When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.
• Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
• Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.
• Acupuncture: a jab well done

1. There is no ham in a hamburger
2. There is no straw in a strawberry.
3. There is neither egg in eggplant or apple in a pineapple.
4. A Guinea pig is not a pig
5. A panda bear is related to a raccoon not a bear.
6. Fireflies aren’t flies, they are beetles.
7. Greyhounds can be any color.
8. Rush hour lasts longer than an hour – and so does happy hour.
9. Sweetmeat is made of fruit, and sweetbread is a meat.
10. Hot dogs can be cold, and homework can be done in school.
11. If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
12. Button and unbutton are opposites, but loosen and unloosen are the same.
13. You wind up a watch to start it, but wind up a romance to end it.
14. If teachers taught, why don’t preacher praught?
15. One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?
16. Quicksand works slowly.
17. Boxing rings are square.

Can you think of any others?

I know the names of only two angels, Hark and Harold.
~~~Gregory, 5

Everybody’s got it all wrong. Angels don’t wear halos anymore. I forget why, but scientists are working on it.
~~~Olive, 9

It’s not easy to become an angel. First, you die. Then you go to Heaven, and then there’s still the flight training to go through. And then you got to agree to wear those angel clothes.
~~~Matthew, 9

Angels work for God and watch over kids when God has to go do something else.
~~~Mitchell, 7

My guardian angel helps me with math, but he’s not much good for science.
~~~Henry, 8

Angels don’t eat, but they drink milk from Holy Cows!!!
~~~Jack, 6

Angels talk all the way while they’re flying you up to heaven. The main subject is where you went wrong before you got dead.
~~~Daniel, 9

When an angel gets mad, he takes a deep breath and counts to ten. And when he lets out his breath, somewhere there’s a tornado.
~~~Reagan, 10

Angels have a lot to do and they keep very busy. If you lose a tooth, an angel comes in through your window and leaves money under your pillow. Then when it gets cold, angels go south for the winter.
~~~Sara, 6

Angels live in cloud houses made by God and his son, who’s a very good carpenter.
~~~Jared, 8

All angels are girls because they gotta wear dresses and boys didn’t go for it.
~~~Antonio, 9

My angel is my grandma who died last year. She got a big head start on helping me while she was still down here on earth.
~~~Lynn , 9

Some of the angels are in charge of helping heal sick animals and pets. And if they don’t make the animals get better, they help the child get over it.
~~~Vicki, 8

What I don’t get about angels is why, when someone is in love, they shoot arrows at them!
~~~Sarah, 7

VocabulART Directions

Flashcards are to be done on 3×5 index cards. On one side of the card write the word and an illustration of the meaning. On the other side, write the definition.

This involves creativity, but it is a proven fact that you will remember more by using your creativity. Have fun with this. Create any image that helps you remember the word meaning.

Here is an example of what I mean. Students are not graded on artistic ability.

New Year’s Resolutions Interview
Interview a partner about his or her resolutions for the New Year. When you are done, write a paragraph about your partner’s goals. Include the following: your partner’s name, New Year’s resolutions and what they need to do to accomplish these goals. Be prepared to share with the class.

New Year’s Traditions Interview
Interview a partner about his or her family’s traditions on New Year’s Day.
Here are some traditions that people have:

• Eat black-eyed peas for good luck
• Open all the doors and windows at midnight to let out the bad spirits
• Make lots of noise at midnight to scare away the bad spirits
• Wear new clothes to bring good luck
• Kiss a loved one at midnight

Ask your partner what traditions his or her family has. Write a paragraph about your partner’s response. Be prepared to share with the class.